Monthly Archives: June 2004

back to my journal

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kickstarting back my journal.

well, its 10:47 (48…49…) in the morning, and im waiting at home by myself, and we’re leaving warner robins for st louis tonight.

oh yeah, you may notice that i havent updated here in a llllooooonnngggg while, since ive been busy being a busy snowleopard around LJ. in fact, i also did my first fanfic of sorts at DA. so far, no one’s commented on it ;_;, so im like, screw it anyway.

ive also looked at LJ for any forums talking about “black” people. in fact, i joined to express how i felt about black people and their culture of stupidity and ignorance. you’d prolly be offended by my comments there.

i joined since, of course, im not an artist type of fur like alot of my friends are, and i have yet to write a fur story (ill try it out soon, though!), but most of all i joined it because im simply an odd type of person ^w^

i also started and , in case you guys are interested in looking over there. im prolly going to leave them alone and see how they are in, say, a few months.

and plus, ive gotten interested in rock music from japan and mexico. The Pillows in Japan, and Molotov, Kinky, and Cafe Tacuba in Mexico, these bands are tight as hell!

I wonder if they have any bands like them in, say, South Africa? hmmm….

anyway, ill try to update more on this journal.

ooh, i also got my own furry code! its on my user info thingie, so if you know anything about whatever the hell a furry code is and does, please tell me. the main, if not only reason why i got one was because theyre so common among furs.

*yawn* im going back to bed…

What Lies Beneath

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Originally posted here.

I realized something some time ago.

We have individual lives to live, yes?

And day by day we show ourselves as one thing, a persona that is made for the outside world. I show myself as a 17 year old who is addicted to looking at fur art, expresses himself through his writing and, once in a while, tries his hand at doing his own art.

But when we get home, when we go into our showers, lock ourselves into our bedrooms, putting ourselves away from the outside world, we are another person.

A person that lets out so many other things and secrets about him-or-herself that most others in either or both the RL or online dont know about, and, unless they are thoroughly prepared, shouldnt know at all or at least the time being.

Those secrets about ourselves that we cant show to the outside world lest we fall apart.

Such secrets are the things that make us who we are, the base for our existence. These secrets, these hidden truths are the things that undercurrently drive us in either or both our RL and online lives. If such secrets were revealed in a way that we couldnt prepare ourselves for accepting, we’d be totally screwed.

What are these secrets which we hold so dear?

They are innumerable, but I can make a few suggestions.

Secrets about how we conduct our lives with the people we know only by the fact that we talk to them online, but may never meet them in our lifetime. Several of us keep that from the RL world outside of our bedroom or basement.

Secrets about how we are forced to conduct our lives in the RL public, which we, for the most part, keep from our online peers, unless its going to affect our online lives in any possible way.

Secrets about our lives in the bedroom, or the bathroom, or the office, which we would never think of talking about unless that friend of ours respects us and our conversation enough to earn our trust within that area.

Secrets about how much we’ve been hurt by the things that have occured in our lives, such as rape by a male relative, or finding out that we messed around and got a case of STD.

Secrets about our fantasies and desires, some of which are most deviant and off-the-wall, so much so that we cant tell them to anyone, even if we tried.

So yeah, we have such inner fantasies, secrets, desires, hidden things.

Then, in that case, i wonder how the people around me, RL or online, live their lives when not interacting with me? Hmm, one can only wonder about…

WHAT LIES BENEATH….