School of the Americas Watch

This is significant to me because Fort Benning is, of course, where Connie is stationed. But anyway….
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

How’ve things been going for you all? Fine and dandy, I hope.

Well, Connie has finally gotten the house and kids squared away at Fort Benning; Wanda’s moved in with Connie; and I’m just sitting here, as usual, trying to deal with life without the kids, Wanda, or Connie. Nowadays, I’ll sleep all day, wake up with an ache in my torso and abdomen (possibly because I slept on my side without a pillow underneath the diaphragm), go on the computer, and stay on it all day, doing nothing on it except readjusting the computer, the internet settings (gee, I sure wish Firefox were the only browser that I’d ever have to deal with and that every possible program were compatible with it!), and email stuff.

Some guy named “kinghypnosis” (his YIM ID) continues to pester me with questions like “Can you hypnotize me master sir commander friend?” (he ALWAYS uses those four last words at the end of every sentence, and always uses these EXTREMELY LARGE FONTS), even when I’m feeling like “OK, now I don’t feel OK right now, and this guy continues to nag the hell out of me”. I’ve told him millions of times before that 1. I don’t know how to hypnotize people, and 2. I don’t want to hypnotize him (he’s a fundamentalist Christian who thinks that he’s been hypnotized by Jesus).

But anyway, I’m still getting myself ready for college; I’m getting ready to send my immunization records and related documents to the University. I’ve already secured my room and board, as well as a spot at the orientation on July 15.

So I guess that, in a way, these days at home are my days in the twilight. After this period, I can bid something of a final farewell to my life in Warner Robins, the life which I have led since 1992. Many things with which I have been strongly familiar and attached have entered into, departed from my life (and, even worse, from this plane of existence) in the process. I’ve gotten used to it, although not completely. In a way, I feel bitter about that sense of loss which accompanies the departure of things which have come into and become part of my life, so much so that I’d take them for granted.

I feel even worse about this tendency to not update things which I’ve started upon, especially online. My site at DeviantArt, Livejournal, IM buddies, all of them. And when these things are gone, and I realize it months afterward, its like I’ve missed something, an opportunity of sorts. Even websites which I’ve never heard of, but now miss because I’m sure that I could’ve encountered them at an earlier date.

And yet, I have to let go, relinquish that piece of history which I hold in my hand and my heart, and I move on. Why? Because if I act upon that feeling, the sense of loss and guilt which accompanies the passing of something which you either took for granted or simply didn’t know about to actually care, I may end up as something which I don’t ncessarily want to be.

Its a sad feeling, I tell you. A sad feeling….