It’s my first Monday of class.

Well, at least Int. Algebra. Business Law is cancelled for today because Mr. Vincent is at the Supreme Court in DC right now.

So, I’m stuck in front of this monitor, as I usually am these days.

Whoop-dee-doo.

Had my hopes for an embedding of Alien into Ubuntu dashed (rather gently) today at . Also found out that the ubiquity of tarballs for Linux versions of those so-called “killer apps” was due to the fact that most of these software makers (who, obviously, are a bit more infatuated with Microsoft and, to a lesser extent, with Apple) would simply love to throw up a piece of shit (with the ./configure file) for those OSes who are far less inclined to pay them a sumptuous development fee.

How crude.

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Also started a few new communities today: and . (Considering that they already have yahoogroups for the exact same audiences and all)

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*sigh*

Life…

it seems as if it moves on, with me counted among its unwilling tow.

There’s nothing new about the days which pass on from the range of my sight, like a tale that has been told. There’s nothing interesting, nothing attractive, nothing of pursuant value about this place in which I now reside.

I think about things which could be, things which could’ve been, and things which are.

They win my interest less and less by the day, as #1 will only happen when either I have the resources or when Hell freezes over, #2 is only a wish that will forever remain unfulfilled because of fate having its way, and #3 is the present reality, as it is for only this one minutely-calculable nanosecond.

#3 is me finding out that I’ll be needing Rogaine within the next couple of months.

#3 is me without a computer in the dorm room.

#3 is me having precious few, if any, connections to this city or to this university.

#3 is me sitting on the twin bed, reading about astral travel, wondering if I should try it out.

#3 is me getting plumb sick of these sprite-filled ads for Yahoo Music Unlimited.

#3 is me waiting for a big change to come to my life, possibly death being the main event.

No.

No, I’m not going to take my own life, nor am I going to try to do so.

Instead, I will retain my life as it gradually slips through my fingers like sand.

I do hereby assume the stance of the Buddha.

I do hereby assume that I am dead, and that I’m only walking through the land of the living, like Kikyo, the Shinto priestess from “Inuyasha”.

I do hereby assume that there are reasons as to why I’m here (or, if it is true, back here), reasons which are keeping me here on this plane of existence until I realize them, no matter how decomposed, dilapidated, or alone I may internally or externally feel at any given moment.

I will not sit here and wait for death, neither will I rush to greet it with open arms.

Whatever form it takes, let it come when it (not I) knows that I (not it) am ready.

In the meantime, I will continue to pursue those reasons with whatever weapons which lay within my arsenal. I don’t feel that I am ready for death to come, and neither do I think that it is ready for that event.

I still have a life to live.

Now, to pursue astral travel and how to combine it with therianthropy…..