June 3, 2004
I realized something some time ago.
We have individual lives to live, yes?
And day by day we show ourselves as one thing, a persona that is made
for the outside world. I show myself as a 17 year old who is addicted
to looking at fur art, expresses himself through his writing and, once
in a while, tries his hand at doing his own art.
But when we get home, when we go into our showers, lock ourselves into
our bedrooms, putting ourselves away from the outside world, we are
another person.
A person that lets out so many other things and secrets about
him-or-herself that most others in either or both the RL or online dont
know about, and, unless they are thoroughly prepared, shouldnt know at
all or at least the time being.
Those secrets about ourselves that we cant show to the outside world lest we fall apart.
Such secrets are the things that make us who we are, the base for our
existence. These secrets, these hidden truths are the things that
undercurrently drive us in either or both our RL and online lives. If
such secrets were revealed in a way that we couldnt prepare ourselves
for accepting, we’d be totally screwed.
What are these secrets which we hold so dear?
They are innumerable, but I can make a few suggestions.
Secrets about how we conduct our lives with the people we know only by
the fact that we talk to them online, but may never meet them in our
lifetime. Several of us keep that from the RL world outside of our
bedroom or basement.
Secrets about how we are forced to conduct our lives in the RL public,
which we, for the most part, keep from our online peers, unless its
going to affect our online lives in any possible way.
Secrets about our lives in the bedroom, or the bathroom, or the office,
which we would never think of talking about unless that friend of ours
respects us and our conversation enough to earn our trust within that
area.
Secrets about how much we’ve been hurt by the things that have occured
in our lives, such as rape by a male relative, or finding out that we
messed around and got a case of STD.
Secrets about our fantasies and desires, some of which are most deviant
and off-the-wall, so much so that we cant tell them to anyone, even if
we tried.
So yeah, we have such inner fantasies, secrets, desires, hidden things.
Then, in that case, i wonder how the people around me, RL or online,
live their lives when not interacting with me? Hmm, one can only wonder
about…
WHAT LIES BENEATH….
