All posts by Harry Underwood

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About Harry Underwood

Website designer, blogger. Columbus, GA. #LGBT #p2 #wordpress

back to my journal

kickstarting back my journal.

well, its 10:47 (48…49…) in the morning, and im waiting at home by myself, and we’re leaving warner robins for st louis tonight.

oh yeah, you may notice that i havent updated here in a llllooooonnngggg while, since ive been busy being a busy snowleopard around LJ. in fact, i also did my first fanfic of sorts at DA. so far, no one’s commented on it ;_;, so im like, screw it anyway.

ive also looked at LJ for any forums talking about “black” people. in fact, i joined to express how i felt about black people and their culture of stupidity and ignorance. you’d prolly be offended by my comments there.

i joined since, of course, im not an artist type of fur like alot of my friends are, and i have yet to write a fur story (ill try it out soon, though!), but most of all i joined it because im simply an odd type of person ^w^

i also started and , in case you guys are interested in looking over there. im prolly going to leave them alone and see how they are in, say, a few months.

and plus, ive gotten interested in rock music from japan and mexico. The Pillows in Japan, and Molotov, Kinky, and Cafe Tacuba in Mexico, these bands are tight as hell!

I wonder if they have any bands like them in, say, South Africa? hmmm….

anyway, ill try to update more on this journal.

ooh, i also got my own furry code! its on my user info thingie, so if you know anything about whatever the hell a furry code is and does, please tell me. the main, if not only reason why i got one was because theyre so common among furs.

*yawn* im going back to bed…

What Lies Beneath

Originally posted here.

I realized something some time ago.

We have individual lives to live, yes?

And day by day we show ourselves as one thing, a persona that is made for the outside world. I show myself as a 17 year old who is addicted to looking at fur art, expresses himself through his writing and, once in a while, tries his hand at doing his own art.

But when we get home, when we go into our showers, lock ourselves into our bedrooms, putting ourselves away from the outside world, we are another person.

A person that lets out so many other things and secrets about him-or-herself that most others in either or both the RL or online dont know about, and, unless they are thoroughly prepared, shouldnt know at all or at least the time being.

Those secrets about ourselves that we cant show to the outside world lest we fall apart.

Such secrets are the things that make us who we are, the base for our existence. These secrets, these hidden truths are the things that undercurrently drive us in either or both our RL and online lives. If such secrets were revealed in a way that we couldnt prepare ourselves for accepting, we’d be totally screwed.

What are these secrets which we hold so dear?

They are innumerable, but I can make a few suggestions.

Secrets about how we conduct our lives with the people we know only by the fact that we talk to them online, but may never meet them in our lifetime. Several of us keep that from the RL world outside of our bedroom or basement.

Secrets about how we are forced to conduct our lives in the RL public, which we, for the most part, keep from our online peers, unless its going to affect our online lives in any possible way.

Secrets about our lives in the bedroom, or the bathroom, or the office, which we would never think of talking about unless that friend of ours respects us and our conversation enough to earn our trust within that area.

Secrets about how much we’ve been hurt by the things that have occured in our lives, such as rape by a male relative, or finding out that we messed around and got a case of STD.

Secrets about our fantasies and desires, some of which are most deviant and off-the-wall, so much so that we cant tell them to anyone, even if we tried.

So yeah, we have such inner fantasies, secrets, desires, hidden things.

Then, in that case, i wonder how the people around me, RL or online, live their lives when not interacting with me? Hmm, one can only wonder about…

WHAT LIES BENEATH….

Last Day of School – A Tribute

Im writing this essay, the first Ive had in a while. Lately Ive been concentrating on other things, and I have even tried to submit art. But Ive worn myself out easily by drawing my own pics, as I still have had other things to worry about. Such as school.

But starting today, my hiatus (concerning my art) may be over. My years at the private school I go to in Warner Robins, Georgia, have most likely, most hopefully, come to an end on this day. Today was the last day of school, the last day of my 11th grade year.

Ive had ups, Ive had downs, deep downs.

But for all its worth, its not a school year to think about like “oh, all the good times we had.” No…Its simply a year to remember.

Cue the music (Coldplay- “the Scientist”)

If the memories of the school year are a journey for me, I would want 4 people, and only 4 people, to walk with me.

Almayna Chen

Michael Lee

Aaron Glasper

Takiya Patrick

These 4 people were not just my friends, my teachers (except for Aaron, we were “homies”); they were the people who had the most influence on my life for that school year. They were the ones who listened to me and could carry on an intelligent conversation with me. They kept me from doing shit that I could have regretted in the long run.

They kept me alive, really.

Mrs. Patrick, most of all; she was my favorite teacher in my whole life. I never had a reason to be bitter towards her, like I was with most of the other teachers. She understood me, and pushed me in ways that I could understand in BOTH the short and the long run.

When she died, at around 9:00 am in the morning, March 29, 2004, my life was nearly shattered into broken glass. Both mines and Aaron’s; he never had beef with her either.

To the two of us, she was the true definition of sincerety and serenity. Put her name as a definition under the word “Christian” in the dictionary, for she respected people’s beliefs, no matter how different they were from her’s.

Mr. Lee was immediately put in her place, even though he wasnt really qualified as a teacher. As a man who had just retired from the Air Force, Mr. Lee was nonetheless a very sincere and knowledgeable permanent substitute. At first I was sorta at odds with him because of my attitude like “forget America, Im going to Canada” stance, but then I was able to carry on such intelligent conversations as I had with Mrs. Patrick.

He even told me some pretty strange stuff. Like for instance, who would’ve thought that Saddam is a FreeMason?!

OK, tell me more about that later.

And by the way, both with Mrs Patrick and Mr. Lee, our class always had the most disturbingly candid discussions, about such subjects as the kinkiest forms of sex, the stupidest career moves by people in the news, and our own homeroom teacher, Mrs. Brown (she was a wigged and cocky asshole of a teacher to the most of us. Even my Mom got pissed at her! NYYAARRGGHH!!! HATE YOU, MRS. BROWN MOTHERFUCKER!!! DIE SHE-FUCKING-DEVIL!!! *stabs with a pitchfork and gets holy water*). Heh I always wanted to do and say that to Mrs. Brown (BEEYOTCH!!!).

Now Mrs. Chen (she doesnt have Chinese descent, her husband just happens to be of part-Chinese-Jamaican descent) was a very sincere person. She couldnt take noise, she just wasnt that kind of person. And she often yelled at me and everyone else because either it was too frickin loud in the classroom (half a large trailer, you all!) or I wasnt doing my work on the computer (computer was her cup of tea, she was just forced into being a science teacher, which is one of the main reasons why she isnt coming back next year).

But whenever me and her carried on an intelligent conversation (behind closed doors, of course!), she told me about her really serious issues concerning the school, and she was honest and straightforward about it. She told me alot of things yesterday that at first I was blown away by, but then I realized that from, her position, all of what she was saying, about the students who gave her the most shit, was actually TRUE. And alot of those same class”mates” also put me through alot of shit too, and I was immediately enlightened. And understand that this was her FIRST year at the school, I think it was her first year teaching PERIOD, just like Mrs Patrick. She’ll be sorely missed by me.

Now Aaron, oh boy! Aaron is around my age, and he was held back a year, and he was often considered the class clown by everyone else. And yes, he had a sense of humor that made the year a little better than it would have been if he werent at the school. He came in the middle of last school year, and he didnt change himself for anyone ever since.

His hero was none other than Tupac Amaru Shakur, and he admired his multifacetedness as a rapper (Aaron has all of Shakur’s CD’s), a poet (“In The Event of my Demise”), a dancer (for Digital Underground), an actor (Poetic Justice and Juice). Aaron showed a taste, if not a lust, for the thug life, as he himself was part of FOLKs, a gang that you might know of if you live in inner-city New York.

He also showed a side to me that he really didnt show to but a few others. He showed his knowledgeable side, his intelligent side.

I was shocked when he asked me this koen: “Did God ever make a rock so big that he couldnt pick it up himself?” I say both Yes and No, and either time he responded “Then He’s not the Almighty.”

Aaron encouraged me to not change myself for these assholes at the private religious school I went to. And in the end, I never did. He stood by me the WHOLE time. Never had an argument with him, never was angry with him for any least thing. Just like with Mrs Patrick.

These are the only four people that Ill remember (and WANT TO) from this school year. These are the four whom Ill miss most dearly, with all of my heart.

And as I go for one last time from the school that I was forced to call my school for the last 5 years, I want to say this to them:

“You 4 were the people for whom I had the most respect, admiration, and love. I doubt that Ill be coming back, and i seriously doubt that either of you will be at this school next year. But know this: Im glad that, out of the five years I spent at this school, you 4 are, and will always be, the only things I would want to remember about that period in my life. No one else matters in my memory of these 5 years, and I dont want them to, either. I wish the best for you 4, and if I dont see you again, I hope to see you in the next life. But then again, the world needs more people like you, so I wont have to worry about that! :) ”

Cue the music (Whitney Houston- “I Will Always Love You”)

Yo

Ive been around for awhile. Im just taking a break from DA for a while, since I have other things to worry about right now. Im going with Dad to st Louis, and he’s coming down to Georgia to pick me up the weekend after Memorial Day; school’s out on Wednesday; Im working on two clubs I just started: KiSwahili Nation and Big Cat Anthro Club.

Ive also downloaded the first 10 episodes of Naruto, and now Im hooked. If you dont have Bittorrent, download it now.. Then if you do have it, go to Suprnova’s anime site to find Naruto anime, and then download what you want from there. Takes about slightly less than 24 hours to download 5 full episodes.

And also, I just found this story that you might be interested in. Its such a beautiful story, i cried when I read the first half of it, seriously. No Im not gay (although since I do get automatically turned on by looking at both anthro studs and anthro vixens doing their yiffing, I can consider myself bisexual), but i think this story would make for a good read. Besides, the poor soul in the story gets turned into a snow leopard kid. Mrrowwwlll….

Something i picked up the other day:

Which Random Image are you?
Name:
Age:
Favorite Color
You are:
This Quiz by Reaper – Taken 37506 Times.

New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

I wonder, does this remind me of myself and how I see myself? i mean, whenever i get home from school, Im usually pissed off at my situation here in fucking georgia. Its hell down here, and Im tempted day in day out to leave this place and go to either Minnesota or Canada. But Im still listening to my friends online (and to the few people I can trust); I cant give up yet, only one more year, and Ill be through.

Anyway, I just finished my first 7-8 pics for DA, and IM rather proud of how they came out. check them out at my DA address, thanx.

untitled

What would you look like as a Wolf by smimmary
Name:
Age:
Star Sign:
What you
Personality: Depressed. And tired.
Mate?: Blue
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

i found this at somebody’s account and decided to try it out. i was rather surprised: they had my normal mood right, AND the color I usually find myself wearing IS blue. The wolf in there looks rather lonely, and beautiful, in that pose, don’t you think?

i dont know what to write right now. i feel so ready to leave this place. i find myself deteriorating here in georgia, and my sis in iraq isnt coming home ANYTIME soon. the only solace i find here is in my comp. sometimes i just wish i could just walk into the screen and live online, and not worry anymore about what life in the real has depicted me to be.

Im putting more time into drawing, and its getting better. check this one out:

My first anthro piccie! A.k.a. my fursona

WTF?!

That’s how I reacted when i saw the responses to my thread “Giving Precedence to Clubs at DA”. Here’s the link: http://forum.deviantart.com/devart/suggestions/204264.

Pretty much, I was outraged by their response. I mean, why don’t they just go ahead and get rid of clubs for god’s sake?! It’s bullshit, from how I see it. And of course, I had to open my big mouth and say that I owned two clubs, and of course, I got screwed pretty badly. So in response I announced at http://bigcatanthroclub.deviantart.com to all members that the club was leaving DA after the contest was over with, and alot of people have said that they will stay with the club after it transfers to Yahoo! Groups, although some others have said that they wouldn’t be able to make that change for such reasons as 1) they dont have an account at either yahoo! or msn, 2) they didnt know that much about the whole club issue, and 3) they’re too busy at their art to make that change.

So now that DA has shown the ugly side of its ass to me, I’m considering leaving DA for good. I know several people who have left DA because they have seen that side as well. So Im building up my website at http://snowleopardhaven.741.com to include a new section for me so that I can put my stuff from DA in there as well. in the meantime, check it out, because it may be my permanent homepage soon.

I cant wait for the end of the school year too. Only 3 or 4 more weeks!

And my Spanish teacher, Mrs. Bannister, is teaching me French after school for free (im the only student). I asked her to do it since I want to move to Canada, and she’s doing it because she’s going to France this summer for her honeymoon, so we have our reasons for learning or at least brushing up in French.

Ive also gotten my scanner hooked up, and i just scanned my first pic too! I dont know how to show it on this journal, so you’ll have to ask me if I can show it by email, k?

And finally, I have set up my blog at http://www.xanga.com/harryo2004. Come see it!

If all goes well…

My best friend, whom I first met on DA, has talked me out of dropping out and moving to Canada out of desperation, and has also talked me into moving up to where she lives as soon as the two of us graduate next year (for me, it comes May 29, 2005). She’s even introduced me, through AIM, to a friend of hers who is also a fur and, if all goes well, will let me bunk with him when, how, and if I move up to where they live.

You guys, I’ve never felt more anxious and excited than I am now. *rolls eyes* OK, well maybe I have, but still, this’ll be the first time that I’ll be living away from home, and I’ve never bunked with anybody as far back as I remember (my nephew and I have a bunkbed in our room, but we barely use it); and I’ll be dealing with the pros and cons of being a roomie.

I don’t know what to expect out of this prearrangement.

I mean, I don’t have any qualms about being a roomie with someone else (even though I’m naturally a loner, so much like a snow leopard), but it seems way too early to call.

What can possibly happen from this point now until our graduation next year? Any possible thing…

Here are a few possibilities: Bush or Kerry might actually pull the troops out of Iraq, and my sis may come home (or the opposite of all that). If she finds out about this prearrangement, how will she react? Will she make me tell my Mom, and if so, how will -she- react?

Or what if none of that happens, but something happens with my friends? I’m not going to make predictions surrounding that, but I hope that nothing really changes from now until next year…

Here’s something I picked up from Jakkal’s Black tapestries site, since of course this is relevant to me (if you dont know what Im referring to, read my essays at DA):

Would you like to Adopt a Kaetif?
Kaetif©2003 Jakkal
http://www.blacktapestries.com

Since I’m starting to realize more that I am a snow leopard in terms of phenotype, I thought it would be nice to do this.

My future is really at stake, since things are starting to get really screwed around me.

I’m seriously considering running away from home to Ontario, probably move in temporarily with a fur.

That’s right, I’m thinking of dropping out of high school at 17, and running away to Canada. Its a stupid idea of mine, but if you live somewhere in or around that area, can you help me with that?

You may know my face, so if I were to leave, would you take me in? I need help with this, please help me.

Now that its over..

Well, its kinda paradoxical how this month turned out.

I’ll remember it for as long as I live.

I started to use IM for Msn and yahoo. I started this new club that, for the first time, was attracting members from left and right. I discovered my furryness.

But of course, there was that one event that has changed my life forever: Mrs. Patrick’s death.

I don’t think I can ever remove the memories of this single week from my mind.

I am convinced not to go to the funeral tomorrow in Montezuma. I can’t bear to see my favorite teacher in a casket. My last image of Mrs. Patrick will be from last Friday, when I stayed late to give in a paper to her. I’ll give her parents a letter of condolences that I hope will make up.

Anyway, now that the initial trauma has seemingly passed, its time to move on to bigger, better things.

I’ve set up this club at DA (http://bigcatanthroclub.deviantart.com) that I hope can attract alot of members and stuff like that.

I also started using MSNIM last weekend. I already started talking with Sunookitsune (http://www.kitsunet.org) and Strype (http://strype.deviantart.com), so “I’m on a roll like Sonic (adage coined by Talib Kweli Green)”!

And finally, I decided to write a new essay telling the world that I’ve discovered my phenotype, my furry side (http://www.deviantart.com/view/6277853). I also wrote it to break up my writer’s block after Mrs. Patrick and all. She always loved my writing.

Man, its been a busy week, a busy month. So I wonder how April’s going to turn out…