As I told lordsathien in an email, I don’t think that I’ll be online that much anymore. At least, not on LJ or IM (of any kind).
Why? Because, to be blunt, the need to be online is no longer as apparent to me as it was less than 9 months ago.
I’ve become distant from those with whom I have possessed almost any varying degree of familiarity (and, for a few folks, actual contact). This I blame myself for.
I shouldn’t have been such a self-centric, eccentric prick in the process. I should have learned how to carry on a conversation with people (hell, I should have learned that before I ever got a Yahoo or MSN ID/email address). I should have learned how to relate to others, to make connections on more mutual platforms. I should have been far more appreciative of other people and other subjects, instead of hogging an IM with useless tech shit (i.e., Linux, which, just I now realize is an OS that is only meant for servers, closed networks and hierarchies…thus rendering it useless to the common population, and to me) or else leaving the person at the other end stranded in mid-speak.
I’m a useless sack of skin and bones. And you all know it, too.
Thus, I apologize to everyone on both Livejournal and Deviantart whose time I’ve wasted.
Wasting people’s time is something that I try hard to avoid in any situation, but I now realize that I’ve done just that.
Thus, I’m sorry. With all of my heart, I’m sorry to all of you.
So yeah, I might not update this LJ anymore. Who knows?
I don’t, that’s for sure.
heyyyyyyy
its no big deal, if youre sick of it stop, but otherwise keep at it. personaly i think the shit you write on is interesting even if i dont always comment. i think itd be worthwhile for you to stick around but its your call.
I would *probably* like to stick around. But I want to at least start making sense for once. Not just continually ranting to the wind.
I mean, think about it. What minute particle good does it do if you can’t even carry on a good conversation with mutual understanding about the topic? Or worse, if you don’t *know* how to do that?
Yes, when you have a history of pent-up frustrations behind you and you finally have a platform to let it all hang out, its an irresistable urge which you jump on like a passing bandwagon full of Pied Pipers.
And you ride it until the rocky feeling hits your stomach. Then you jump to the next one with Pied Pipers and *loudspeakers* (ooh, aah!!1, you say)! Then it gets to the point that you’ve finally ridden your fill of pavement.
But then you realize….you’re out in the middle of nowhere! And NO ONE is coming by anytime soon.
So do you stay on for the rest of the way, or do you jump off in the middle of the desert? Both have their benefits and their disadvantages. Should you have ridden out at all? Are you going to get to a destination that won’t dissapoint?
That’s what I’m wondering right now.
And if I’m going to stay on, I will need to be shown/told exactly where I may need improvement, help, or guidance of any kind, so at least I won’t be bitching as much, and probably have something positive to say…for once.
man, its not such a big deal. im actually a lot smarter than youde think from my lj, its just something to do between other shit. i dunnay, methinks youre reading too much into it. if you want to seriously express yourself in writing, i would do it on paper, stash the paper, and maybe make a book out of it. ide read it. dont take lj seriously, its not good for you.
btw, whats with your name? wheres it from, whatsit mean?
Well, when I first started out with a website on Tripod back in 2003, I had been thinking of a pseudonym that I could stick with as far as being online is concerned. I had been reading library books on African countries at that time, particularly Namibia and Angola (not to mention South Africa). One day, I came across the name of a particular Angolan official who was present at the signing of the protocol that was supposed to gradually end the civil war that had been raging between the government and a rebel group in that country (and, at least, brought an eventual end to the war between SWAPO and the South African government in Namibia, thus bringing their independence in 1990). His name was Fernando Franco Van-Dunem.
I didn’t know what had attracted me to that surname, and I still haven’t figured it out. But I liked it. So I paired it up with a random first name, which, to my preference, had to begin with an “R”. I passed over “Ryan” and picked up “Rayne”, and it stuck.
So that’s pretty much the origin of it.
My real name, though, is Harry Underwood, in case you ever wonder. 😛